This Guide Is for You

Most guides focus on your cadet. This one focuses on you.

Sending a child to military school is an emotional journey with predictable phases, common struggles, and specific skills you'll need. Knowing what's coming helps you support your child—and yourself.

Phase 1: The Silent Weeks

When the Phone Doesn't Ring

You dropped them off. You drove away. You waited for the call that would tell you they were okay.

And then... nothing. Or almost nothing. A brief text. A rushed call. Days of silence.

This is terrifying for parents. And it's completely intentional.

Why Schools Limit Communication

Most military schools have formal or informal "blackout periods" during the first weeks. This seems cruel. It's actually kind.

The Purpose:

1. Forces adaptation. Cadets can't call home every time something is hard. They must develop resilience.

2. Prevents rescue attempts. Every call home is an opportunity to beg for extraction.

3. Builds new relationships. When they can't lean on family, they must lean on squadmates.

4. Focuses attention. There's so much to learn. Phone calls are distractions.

5. Protects the family. Hearing a stressed, exhausted cadet on day 3 will spike your anxiety.

What Limited Communication Actually Means

If you're hearing nothing: They're busy. They're adapting. They're building a new support network that isn't you—and that's exactly what's supposed to happen.

If calls are short: Phone time is precious and often timed. They're not being cold—they're being efficient.

If they seem emotionally flat: They're exhausted. Don't read too much into tone.

Reframing Your Anxiety

What You CAN Do

Write Letters Yes, actual paper letters. Receiving a letter is a major morale boost. Keep them positive, encouraging, and short.

Send Care Packages (If Allowed) Check the school's policy. This is a tangible reminder you're thinking of them.

Trust the System The school has done this thousands of times. They're watching your child more closely than you realize.

Use the School's Updates Parent portals, administrator emails, liaison contacts—use official channels.

The Communication Curve

• Weeks 1-3: Minimal. Blackout or near-blackout.
• Weeks 4-6: Increasing. Restrictions ease.
• Ongoing: Rhythmic. Weekly calls become routine.
• By Holidays: Natural. The desperate early calls are a memory.

Phase 2: The 3-Week Wall

The Call Every Parent Dreads

It comes around week three. Sometimes week two, sometimes week four, but it comes. Your phone rings, and on the other end is your child begging you to come get them.

"I hate it here." "They're so mean." "I can't do this." "Please come get me. Please."

This is the 3-Week Wall. How you respond may be the most important parenting decision you make.

Why It Happens

Week 1: The Honeymoon Everything is new. Adrenaline carries them through.

Week 2: The Grind Begins The novelty wears off. Homesickness creeps in. They're exhausted.

Week 3: The Wall Reality hits. This is their life now. The breaking point arrives.

Week 4 and Beyond: The Breakthrough If they push through, something shifts. Pride begins to replace exhaustion.

What They're Really Saying

When your child calls in distress, they're communicating feelings, not facts:

• "I hate it here" = I'm overwhelmed and don't know how to cope yet
• "Everyone is mean" = I haven't found my people and feel alone
• "I can't do this" = This is harder than expected and I'm scared I'll fail
• "Come get me" = I need to know you still love me

What NOT to Do

Don't immediately offer to rescue them. The moment you say "I'll come get you," you've told them they can't do this.

Don't dismiss their feelings. "You're fine, toughen up" makes them feel unheard.

Don't panic. Your anxiety will amplify theirs.

Don't call the school demanding changes. The structure is the point.

What TO Do

Listen fully before responding. Let them get it all out. Sometimes they just need to vent.

Validate their feelings without validating their conclusion. "That sounds really hard. I can hear how exhausted you are."

Express unwavering confidence. "I know this is hard, and I know you can do this."

Set a checkpoint, not an exit. "Let's talk again on Sunday. Give it three more days."

Scripts That Work

"I love you. I'm so proud of you for sticking with something this hard. I know you can do this. Call me Sunday."

"It would be so easy to quit, and that's exactly why you shouldn't. You're going to look back on this moment and be proud."

"The fact that it's hard means it's working. Easy doesn't change you."

When You Actually SHOULD Intervene

The 3-Week Wall is normal. These situations are not:

Safety Concerns: Physical abuse, severe bullying, credible threats

Mental Health Crisis: Talk of self-harm, severe depression, panic attacks that don't subside

Medical Issues: Unmanaged conditions, untreated injuries, significant weight loss

If any of these apply, contact the school immediately.

How to Tell the Difference

When in doubt, call the school and ask how your child is doing from their perspective.

The Other Side of the Wall

Here's what parents report:

The child who called sobbing at week 3 will call at week 8 with stories of friends and pride. By Thanksgiving, they'll seem like a different person. By spring, they won't want to come home because they'll miss their squad.

The wall is not a sign military school was a mistake. It's a sign transformation is happening.

Phase 3: The Thanksgiving Transformation

They're Coming Home (But They're Not the Same)

The desperate phone calls have faded. Thanksgiving break is approaching.

But the person who walks through your door won't be the same one who left in August.

What You'll Notice

The Physical Changes They'll stand differently. Shoulders back, chin up. Three months of daily PT will show.

The Language Shifts Don't be surprised if they say "Sir" or "Ma'am," use military time, or have new vocabulary.

The Behavioral Differences Making beds with hospital corners. Folding clothes precisely. Eating faster. Being uncomfortable with mess. Early wake times.

The structure has become internalized.

The Tension Points

"Why Are You Being So Uptight?" Siblings may find the changes annoying. Don't force them to "turn it off." Don't let siblings mock the changes.

The Messy House Problem Your home doesn't meet barracks standards. Don't take their discomfort as criticism.

The Overly Rigid Moments They might insist on protocol at home. Let them practice.

The Need for Alone Time After months of zero privacy, they may need solitude. Don't interpret this as rejection.

Conversations to Have

Ask open-ended questions: "What's been the hardest part? What's surprised you? Who are your closest friends?"

Let them tell stories. Prompt them: "Tell me about your TAC." "What was your best day?"

Ask about what they're proud of: "What have you accomplished that surprised you?"

Don't interrogate. Some experiences are theirs to process.

What They're Experiencing

Your cadet is navigating something complex: they're becoming a different person, and they're not sure who they'll be when they're home.

They may feel pride, guilt, confusion, fear, and relief—all at once. All of this is normal.

For Siblings

Prepare them: "Your brother/sister has been through something intense. They might seem different. Be patient."

The Goodbye Again

Leaving after Thanksgiving can be hard—sometimes harder than the first goodbye. Acknowledge the difficulty: "I know it's hard to leave again. I'm proud of you for going back."

The second departure is usually smoother. They know what they're going back to.

The Long Game

What Parents Realize Later

The silence wasn't distance. It was growth.

The wall wasn't weakness. It was the beginning of strength.

The transformation wasn't loss. It was becoming.

By spring break, the changes will be less jarring. By next Thanksgiving, this will be who they are. The cadet identity and the home identity will merge into something integrated.

You're not losing your child. You're watching them become an adult—faster and more intentionally than most of their peers.

What About You?

This journey is hard on parents too. You might feel:

• Guilt for "sending them away"
• Doubt about your decision
• Temptation to rescue them
• Sadness hearing them struggle
• Pride you can't fully express

Find support from other military school parents. The school can connect you. Parent Facebook groups help. You're not alone in this.

You chose this because you believed in its power to shape your child. Trust that belief.

Next Steps

Learn about cadet daily life to understand what they're experiencing. Explore the culture and safety of military school environments.